Hur mycket man ibland hatar nån av ren ilska och hoppas att personen dör så fort som möjligt. Så håller man ändå kvar, man står ut trots att hatet finns där hela tiden. Men man är kvar, med allt och varför? Det finns en anledning. Min anledning är Stella och Alexis. Hur mycket jag än vill dö och tro mig jag vill. Jag kan inte tänka mig ett bättre sätt att hantera mitt liv på. Att vara död.
För att dämpa min ångest, som är så stor som allt vatten som finns på klotet och mina fittiga jäkla piller som jag har fått för att den ska dämpas funkar som ett plåster på en blöt hy, så röker jag. Och jag ska röka tills den ger sig. Om den någonsin kommer göra det.
söndag, juli 10
måndag, juli 4
Jag har inte gråtit såhär mycket på väldigt länge
Kurt Cobains självmordsbrev.
To Boddah (Kurt's imaginary childhood friend.)
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone.
I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven,(då skilde hans föräldrar sig) I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
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To Boddah (Kurt's imaginary childhood friend.)
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone.
I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven,(då skilde hans föräldrar sig) I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy. Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances. For her life, which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
söndag, juli 3
jag vill på en dödskonsert........
När mor väntar in att Metallica ska spela Nothing else matters och varje gång ett mjukt gitarrintro börjar hon babbla om att "nuuuuu, nuuuu kommer det!"... men så nej en annan låt. Det är så fint egentligen. Tänk dig själv, när du står på en konsert och så kommer ett impro intro och man väntar, och väntar, och spänner hela kroppen. och sen.. sen. sen kommer EN HELT ANNNAN LÅT SOM ÄR MYCKET BÄTTRE SOM MAN ÄR MYCKET MER OFÖRBERÄDD PÅ OCH MAN SPÄNNER KROPPEN SÅ MYCKET ATT DET KOMMER ALL SORTS VÄTSKA SOM KAN KOMMA UR EN OCH MAN BLUNDAR OCH KAN INTE ANDAS OCH MAN BARA LER OCH GRÅTER OCH KISSAR PÅ SIG OCH ÄLSKAR LIVET SÅ JÄVLA MYCKET ÅÅÅHHH
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